I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
