You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
