I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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