The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
vagina is talking i cant
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
