real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
