1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
