I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
