Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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