Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
