I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
