Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
