He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
