well I can't set my house on fire every night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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