We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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