All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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