it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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