i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
