i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
this just has baby written all over it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
