I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
