I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
