She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
