highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
