My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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