it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
