I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
