I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
