Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
