yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
