does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
