i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
