that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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