How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
