I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
this is an emotional support booty call
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
