I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
