u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
