Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
