someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
