the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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