I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
