I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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