i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Girls should come with a carfax report
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
