Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
