Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Houston, we have a squirter
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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