Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
