dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
