Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she peed on how many people?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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