After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
