happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
