Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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