I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
