what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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