Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
