Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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