So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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